Living Wills...Control your own destiny!

79

By Peggy W

Control your own destiny!

Everyone that has reached an age sufficient enough to be making life decisions, should definitely consider getting a LIVING WILL.

This is in addition to any other type of legal document one has secured.

Those are also vitally important.

Please accept this bit of advice from the perspective of having been in the nursing profession and having seen the good, the bad and the ugly decisions that are made for people once they can no longer tell the doctors and other decision makers what they might have wanted or wished regarding medical care for themselves.

I'll give you two examples of the "ugly" decisions, in my opinion.


Making one's wishes known

Living wills

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Me wearing my nurse's uniform and hat back in the 1970's

Picture of me back in the days when nurses wore white uniforms and hats.  Many years ago!
Picture of me back in the days when nurses wore white uniforms and hats. Many years ago!
Source: Peggy W

The Importance of Living Wills...

Real story number one...


One was a terminal cancer patient that I attended as a private duty nurse. It was one of the very few private duty cases that I ever accepted and I felt an obligation to remain on the case until the death of the patient. This was not easy! I'll call him Mr. X.

He was a lovely man with metastasized cancer that had spread over his entire body. He was most often in pain. His veins were poked and assaulted with so many intravenous fluids and medications, that they were harder and harder to find and keep patent (open and free flowing.) When they finally had to try and find some available veins in his feet because the other sites had been exhausted, he screamed out with pain.

I refused to inflict this suffering and the floor nurses had to follow the doctors orders instead.

Mr. X quite often hallucinated, so had he spoken to doctors about his wants and desires at that point, they probably would not have deemed his decisions "normal" and worth following. Thus, his family made the medical decisions for him and they decided to prolong his life.

This happened to be during a period with a severe blood shortage in Houston and I often wondered why they kept giving Mr. X blood when his case was terminal and other people undoubtedly needed the blood to survive. I personally thought that this was criminal!

The odor coming from his room due was horrendous. I understood why most of the other private duty nurses bailed out of caring for him. My stomach often lurched and I never did vomit, but most often had to fight that feeling each day when I first entered his room.

His family DID come and visit him, but never stayed in the room for long. They would gather and visit with each other in a nearby lounge. I was instructed to come and get them if anything rapidly deteriorated.

Mr. X's final relief came shortly after his attending doctor gave me a verbal order (which I happily charted) to discontinue the I.V's when the next time came when his veins would no longer support them. The doctor was going on vacation and actually told Mr. X that he would "see him in the next life." It did not take long for that poor man's vein to be blown........in other words, the I.V. no longer worked.

When he was no longer able to receive fluids and medications, he quite peacefully slipped into a semi-comatose state and quietly died. All the many needless weeks of suffering had come to a close.

Had Mr. X had a living will (also called an advanced directive), and his intentions regarding care "above and beyond" the ordinary.........especially if chances of a full recovery looked grim, this long drawn out scenario might never have occurred.

His peaceful death could have come earlier and he would have suffered far less pain!

Living Will

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Real story number two...


Another example goes back to my student nursing days when I actually volunteered to be in the hospital.

I was asked to "sit" with a patient that was in a private room and was in a full coma. He was hooked up to all kinds of medical paraphernalia including a respirator. (At that point in my desired nursing career, it was actually a bit scary for me!)

His family wanted to "keep him alive" until family members from other parts of the country could get there to see him.

Yes..........his body was in that bed..........but he was hardly alive in any other sense. He could not breathe on his own and he was determined to be brain dead. The only thing moving was the heaving of his chest in time with the noise of the respirator. Was this the life he would have wished for himself? I often wondered.

It did not take me long to realize that I did not want my life to be attended like these examples at it's end stage. With a LIVING WILL one has choices! It is a simple form that can be signed and notarized. Make sure your family members or others that might be caring for you know of it's existence. Give a copy of it to your doctor.

Whatever you decide to do, consider making your wishes known PRIOR to any need. Don't get stuck in situations outside of your control. You might end up suffering needlessly, not to mention the ridiculous costs of on-going medical care when there is no chance of successful recovery.

Do an online search of Living Wills. You can print out forms that meet various state requirements and all at no cost. My heartiest recommendations would be that you protect yourself and make your wishes known TODAY. Tomorrow could be too late!

Be in control of your own destiny. Get a living will!

Living Wills, After Terri Schiavo

Living Will - Advanced Directives

Comments

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 4 weeks ago

Hello neeleshkulkarni,

That is so important to let your daughters know your wishes and if you have it in writing and they can show a doctor, even if it is not a legal document in India, at least everyone will know how you would wish for your final days or hours to end and perhaps your wishes will be fulfilled that way. Thanks for your comment.

neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 4 weeks ago

never realized the importance of putting down choices for oneself.I did want to make a will but thought would only mention my property and how i wanted it divided between my two daughters.this is a new aspect and yes i will make one soon though i do not know if it is legal in India to do so but at least my kids will know what i want.

thanks for a nice bit of though provoking info.

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 5 weeks ago

Hi Ruchira,

Thanks for seeing the importance of having living wills in effect and thanks for your comment.

Ruchira profile image

Ruchira Level 8 Commenter 5 weeks ago

Peggy,

You have raised a very good and important question. Living will is important and I understand the consequences of it. Your examples are heart rendering and I pray that no one gets to go through this in their lifetime.

Voted up and sharing it across!

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 7 weeks ago

Hi Charlu,

It is amazing to me that people put off doing such simple things, like having a living will in place, and taking chances with their future care. At any time due to accidents, sudden illness or other factors, our lives could change in an instant. Why leave decisions to others when we can make our wishes known today? Tomorrow could be too late! Nice that you have yours in place. Thanks for your comment.

Charlu profile image

Charlu 7 weeks ago

Such sad stories but so valid an example when trying to explain the need for a living will. I have one and am pleased that as you said in your comment it is one of the first things they ask me when I'm in the ER or hospital. Voted up interesting useful Thank you for sharing.

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 2 months ago

Hello L.L.Woodard,

Your hub on the same subject was excellent. Living wills and advanced directives are vitally important and more people should think of crossing that off of their "to do list" before it is too late. Thanks for your comment and the share.

L.L. Woodard profile image

L.L. Woodard Level 6 Commenter 2 months ago

Peggy W, you have so eloquently pointed out two good reasons for everyone to make their own choices through advance directives.

Voted up and SHARED.

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 5 months ago

Hi Mark,

It always amazes me that people do not take the time to make wills, much-less living wills. Both are vitally important! Even a hand written will counts! Some friends and I had to go to court to verify that we knew a friend of ours who died and only had a hand written will that had been discovered among her things where she lived...and that we recognized her hand-writing. While it was a bit more effort on our part to ensure that her final wishes be followed...it worked in the end.

Thanks for commenting on this important topic. Hopefully more people will get their affairs in order and make out their living wills along with their regular wills making mention of who inherits their belongings.

Mark Bronze profile image

Mark Bronze Level 4 Commenter 5 months ago

Living wills are very important and your hub proves beyond any shadow of doubt that they should be made. Unfortunately many people don't even make a will of any kind and this can lead to acrimony and bitterness in families. Your case studies are excellent and I am sure your hub will help someone to reduce needless suffering. Voted up etc.

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 6 months ago

Hello Lost Heirs,

So very true. It is important to make one's wishes known prior to anything happening where one may no longer have a say in the outcome. Living wills are just extra insurance to have in place. Thanks for your comment.

Lost Heirs 6 months ago

Living wills are important to ensure you have a say

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 12 months ago

Hi Billy,

Having a living will along with a regular one is one of the most important things you can do to prepare for the future. It is funny that people seem to put off doing things of such importance. Put it on the top of your priority list and I can assure you that you will rest easier when it is done. Just verbally telling people of your wishes does not carry the same weight.

billyaustindillon profile image

billyaustindillon Level 2 Commenter 12 months ago

Sanguine advice - something I have not done and need too.

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 16 months ago

So sorry to hear of your experiences, Tony.

One of the first things people in hospitals ask for over here (to attach to the charts) is whether there is a living will. Makes decision making so much easier!

That is great that your wife knows of your wishes, but what if the two of you were in an accident together and she was unavailable to tell people of your wishes? Do your older kids also know of your wishes?

Having that piece of paper signed and notorized (the living will) just eases things. No one can accuse the ones that are left of purposely "pulling the plug" for inheritance reasons or any other such thing.

Hope you get that done. You will rest easier! Then make copies of it and give it to anyone who might be able to make sure that it gets enforced.

Thanks for the comment.

tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 16 months ago

My brother-in-law was mortally injured in a gay-bashing incident some years ago and he was on life support for some days until his feet were going gangrenous and it was clear that he would not survive if taken off life support. My then wife and I discussed the issue and decided to ask the hospital to switch off the machines. They were very reluctant but eventually his doctor agreed. He died peacefull very soon afterwards. It was a very traumatic time for us.

Some years before my own brother died of lung cancer, just weeks after being put onto chemo which made him so sick.

Just a few weeks ago as you know my mother-in-law died of lung cancer. She went through months of hell caused by the chemo. I wonder about this. If the prognosis is poor, why put people through the additional trauma of chemo, why keep them "alive" hooked up to a machine? It makes no sense to me at all.

I don't have a "living will" yet, but my wife knows how I feel - if I should get cancer or any similar disease I don't want to be kept alive artificially or to go through the hell of chemo. Give me lots of morphine and let me die in peace!

Thanks for this wonderful Hub and I'm going to get that "living will" form signed now!

Love and peace

Tony

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 2 years ago

Hello Shalini,

You have said it well. Having a living will is not only to protect oneself, but those you care about as well. Thanks for the thumbs up!

Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal Level 4 Commenter 2 years ago

So vital Peggy - I'm so glad I came upon this hub. So many people seem to think that if they don't think about death, it will elude them. It makes so much sense to be practical. What I've also felt is, that with a living will, not only will your wishes be followed, it also relieves your loved ones of having to make decisions. It's a tough call for a child to take a decision to stop medication or turn off a life support system - so much easier when they are just following your instructions. Great hub - thumbs up!

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 2 years ago

Smart move, loveroflife!

More people should think of protecting themselves with living wills before it is too late. It is one of those adult responsibity things to do. Thanks for commenting.

loveroflife 2 years ago

Good advice. I have had a living will for many years.

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 3 years ago

Hello mkhovu, Age has no bearing on when a living will might need to be enforced as you indicated.

Once people are placed on life support it is not always that easy to get it removed. Instead of hospital review boards having to make the hard decision or families having disagreements among themselves as to how or when to discontinue the medical intervention.......IF the person's will was known to everyone involved, it simply makes it so much easier a decision.

Thanks for your thoughtful comments and get busy........secure one for yourself and encourage others to do the same! Who knows what tomorrow might bring?

mkhovu profile image

mkhovu 3 years ago

This is a very useful hub Peggy. I must say it touched me. I'm in a medical field, below 40yrs and I must say I have been avoiding it just because I just didn't want to think about that day. This hub just reminds us all of the importance of preparing your will prior to disaster strike, as you say, there's no need to suffer the pain you can easily avoid.

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W Hub Author 3 years ago

I obviously agree Kulsum. I think that those of us who have been (or are) in the medical field see the necessity of this more than the average person simply because we see the horrible results. Hopefully more people will read this hub or similar bits of advice elsewhere and get this protection for themselves. This HAS to be done AHEAD of need. It is too late otherwise. And who can predict when the need might arise?

Kulsum Mehmood profile image

Kulsum Mehmood Level 2 Commenter 3 years ago

Very important topic in this hub Peggy. I am glad you discussed this topic and opened the eyes of all the persons who will visit your hub here. It is very essential to make a living will. this is one topic we do ignore. And, this needs to be taken care of urgently. I definitely do NOT wish to be kept alive if my brain is dead and I am a vegetable due to some cause.

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